Chasing Attraction: Chemistry or Compatibility?
We all have that one friend who is perpetually single. On the outside, they have everything that most of us would deem necessary for a successful relationship. They are funny, smart, good-looking, etc. But yet, they seem to go in and out of relationships unable to find a committed partner or unwilling to commit to a relationship themselves. Why is it that the person who has all these values and meets all the criteria of a rigorous checklist can’t seem to find a nice person and settle down? And more importantly, why do some people not grab on to a person who displays those awesome characteristics and run after an unattainable person who will likely mistreat them instead?
When conversing with most of my friends, the adjectives that are most commonly used to describe an ideal partner are almost always along the lines of, “smart or “hot.” But, perhaps “smart” and “hot” are not the best criteria to evaluate a partner that you want to spend your life with. Rather, it should be a man or a woman’s inner beauty, compassion, morality that you are eager to explore when looking for a life partner. And here, precisely, is where we fail. The advice that we give others when discussing life partners does not match the advice we ourselves follow when looking for a committed, lifelong partner. For example, I might tell my girlfriend that she should be looking for a man of faith, of great morality and compassion. But when it comes to my own personal life, I may be looking exclusively for the tall, handsome, compelling man to sweep me off my feet. Here, my words and my actions are inconsistent. And more importantly, the men that women are attracted to are not always good long-term relationship partners. That is, the tall, dark, and handsome man I am solely attracted to may not actually be a good candidate for a lifelong partner. Naturally, there will have to be some level of intelligence or attractiveness in any relationship. However, we are mistaken if we think a long-term partner is strictly contingent upon these two qualities. Rather, we should try and match our words with our actions. That is, demonstrate some consistency and be true to our word.
When attraction is at the top of your list of qualifications in a man or woman, you will often find yourself compromising on true happiness. Remember, attractiveness in a person does not serve as an indicator of their will or desire to bring you happiness or make you happy for years to come. This is not to say you should settle. Rather, very carefully, try and understand and consider the importance of attractiveness over the ability of someone to love you unconditionally. Chemistry does not always equal compatibility. Just because you are attracted to someone does not necessarily imply that you will be compatible with them. So, men and women alike should try and take their own advice. The most important qualities in a person who can be committed to you and love you with a deep, unconditional love goes far beyond the surface. It’s time we stop giving incredible importance to the trivial or that which is not guaranteed. Rather, we should begin to give importance to the qualities in a man or woman that make them who they are-those qualities that contribute to the part of their being that will make them commit to you, love you, and cherish you as any man or woman should do for each other in the right, healthy relationship.
Contact Us For Consulting!
We all have that one friend who is perpetually single. On the outside, they have everything that most of us would deem necessary for a successful relationship. They are funny, smart, good-looking, etc. But yet, they seem to go in and out of relationships unable to find a committed partner or unwilling to commit to a relationship themselves. Why is it that the person who has all these values and meets all the criteria of a rigorous checklist can’t seem to find a nice person and settle down? And more importantly, why do some people not grab on to a person who displays those awesome characteristics and run after an unattainable person who will likely mistreat them instead?
When conversing with most of my friends, the adjectives that are most commonly used to describe an ideal partner are almost always along the lines of, “smart or “hot.” But, perhaps “smart” and “hot” are not the best criteria to evaluate a partner that you want to spend your life with. Rather, it should be a man or a woman’s inner beauty, compassion, morality that you are eager to explore when looking for a life partner. And here, precisely, is where we fail. The advice that we give others when discussing life partners does not match the advice we ourselves follow when looking for a committed, lifelong partner. For example, I might tell my girlfriend that she should be looking for a man of faith, of great morality and compassion. But when it comes to my own personal life, I may be looking exclusively for the tall, handsome, compelling man to sweep me off my feet. Here, my words and my actions are inconsistent. And more importantly, the men that women are attracted to are not always good long-term relationship partners. That is, the tall, dark, and handsome man I am solely attracted to may not actually be a good candidate for a lifelong partner. Naturally, there will have to be some level of intelligence or attractiveness in any relationship. However, we are mistaken if we think a long-term partner is strictly contingent upon these two qualities. Rather, we should try and match our words with our actions. That is, demonstrate some consistency and be true to our word.
When attraction is at the top of your list of qualifications in a man or woman, you will often find yourself compromising on true happiness. Remember, attractiveness in a person does not serve as an indicator of their will or desire to bring you happiness or make you happy for years to come. This is not to say you should settle. Rather, very carefully, try and understand and consider the importance of attractiveness over the ability of someone to love you unconditionally. Chemistry does not always equal compatibility. Just because you are attracted to someone does not necessarily imply that you will be compatible with them. So, men and women alike should try and take their own advice. The most important qualities in a person who can be committed to you and love you with a deep, unconditional love goes far beyond the surface. It’s time we stop giving incredible importance to the trivial or that which is not guaranteed. Rather, we should begin to give importance to the qualities in a man or woman that make them who they are-those qualities that contribute to the part of their being that will make them commit to you, love you, and cherish you as any man or woman should do for each other in the right, healthy relationship.
Contact Us For Consulting!
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